Self esteem issues are not uncommon, infact underlying most problems there is probably an element of low self esteem. So where does low self esteem come from? There is no definitive answer for this, but in the CBT world the answer to this partly lies in early life experiences so for example having been bullied at school which can lead to one believing they are worthless or not good enough.
So how do these experiences develop into problems with self esteem? Such beliefs are understandably distressing and upsetting and so as humans we develop ways in which we can ‘prevent’ these beliefs from coming true, in the CBT world these are known as ‘rules for living’ (RFL). Taking the example above, common RFL might include always trying to put others’ needs before your own to be ‘good enough’ for others. RFL lie at the heart of self esteem issues and part of combatting your self esteem problems involves dealing with these RFL, which rather then help you only make life more difficult in the long run.
I helped highlight this to someone today, which changed the understanding she had on her behaviours and how her RFL were maintaining her self esteem problems.
It is only when we understand something more clearly that we are then in a better place to change that thing.
CBT Therapy UK